It was a beautiful morning this morning. A lovely autumn Adelaide sunday – people riding around, jogging, walking, strolling about and soaking up the sun. I found myself at Henley Beach – Joe’s Kiosk to be exact – and it was packed with brunchers and mid morning latte drinkers like me. So packed in fact was it that a woman asked if she could join my table as there really was nowhere else to sit.
She would have been about 56 or 57 I think. Not a classic beauty, but she had an attractiveness about her. Dancing, sparkling grey eyes; longish blonde/grey hair; lovely full breasts spilling out of her top; and nice full hips squeezed into a pair of well cut jeans. We chit chatted about this and that..poked fun at a few fellow diners…and then started talking about relationships and their vagaries and disappointments. She was an engaging conversationalist and suggested, rather than said, that she had enjoyed an active sex life with her previous partners and had been adventurous on many occassions although single for some time. Having found cracking the “Couples Seeking Bi Male” scene more than a little difficult, I’d recently added to my on-line ad that I’d also be interested in meeting a woman who would be interested in teaming up as a couple to meet other couples with similar interests. This also had been as barren, as far as responses go, as a state Liberal Party policies and I began thinking about floating the idea to this new found friend. But how do you do this? What is the etiquette for saying: I find you attractive/I’m also interested in swinging with couples/would you like to join me? How do you say to someone you’ve just met that, yes, I’d love to feel your nakedness next to mine and by the way are you bisexual and do you mind if I am and I’d like you to play with me and some other people I don’t know yet? Seems like a lot to suggests to someone with whom you’d been discussing organic bacon with 5 minutes earlier and the inconsistencies of cafe coffee temperatures but you only have a limited window of opportunity!
I was concious that she was finishing her coffee and time was of the essence. She asked me whether I was seeing anyone as she leant across the table giving me a clear look at her gorgeous assets knowing full well I was watching behind my sunglasses. I told her no and she smiled suggesting that maybe we could catch up again sometime for another chat. I asked her for her number. “No…but I’m always here around this time on a sunday”. So it is a ‘maybe’, she gulped the last of her coffee and was on her way.
I walked back to the car unsure of myself and wondering why on earth I hadn’t said anything. If I had, would it have been any different? By telling her what I was interested in, would I have got her number of a slap across the face? I probably will never know now.
On-line partners are hard to find when you are in a niche market. Face to face is better but fraught with issues of courage, or the occassional lack of it.
Today I lacked courage and will forever regret it. Why is it so awkward?
Time to logon for more disappointment. Time to toughen up and take calculated risks.
I walk around the city a lot. At lunchtimes, and on my way to various appointments, I keep myself amused with a silly little game as I trot jauntily along the streets of Adelaide. The game is this: every time I pass a woman I am attracted to (read: would like to be naked with) it is a ‘yes’. For those I feel little attraction to it is a ‘no’. Dear reader you will notice that I don’t mention men here. The reason for that, despite my declared bisexuality, is that I don’t think of guys that way. Complete with an attractive female partner I find men interesting but not in the way I find women desirable. I never see a guy, no matter what his physical appearance, and think “Ooooh I’ll ‘ave ‘im…he’s bloody gorgeous!”. Never. I do, however, have selection criteria as far as their equipment is concerned but maybe we will wait until I publish a bibibirdie After Dark Series.
I find lots of things attractive about a LOT of different types of women. Tall, short, slim, large,light hair,dark hair, red hair, long hair, short hair. Long legs, short legs, large breasts, small breasts, bottoms of all shapes and sizes. There are some constants however: women under around 40 don’t often make the cut and don’t get rated. This particularly applies to the young (under 30) for although I can appreciate the beauty of youth I would never want to be naked with one. We don’t have anything in common, it looks ridiculous, and I would feel like I’ve entered some sort of peado-fest which isn’t my thing at all. Additionally, slovenly people, those who appear to have an account at Joyrene Fashions, scowlers, hard faced people, and those who look like they are about to burst into tears go straight to the ‘no’ list. They do not have to be stunningly beautiful and in fact often aren’t but they do have to be pleasant and interesting to look at.
On the upside: a large woman with a tight skirt/dress and a twinkle in her eye is a yes. A tall slim woman with an ‘I dare you’ look is a yes. Well cut outfits that catch the eye and heels are a definate yes on all shapes and sizes. Painted toenails are a yes (? never worked that one out but there you go) as are a pair of fashionable glasses. A nicely shaped bum is a winner in all shapes and sizes. Age, except where mentioned above, is no barrier also – I regularly see a very elegant woman walking down Pirie Street who would easily be in her 70’s but is an absolute stunner. I am also constantly intrigued at how women use makeup and clothes to highlight the features they would like you to look at. Wonderful.
I don’t stare but I like to make eye contact. It is amazing how often it is reciprocated replete with a lovely flirty smile and a slight tilt of the head.I regularly strike up conversations which we both know are going nowhere but they are a nice diversion for a few minutes and leave you both with a spring in your step. Next time someone makes eye contact with you in the street smile back – it may be me and the one thing you will know even though we may not exchange words is that I am mentally running my hands all over your naked body and wondering what you taste like.
My ad is very specific…I managed to, I think, get over my social personality and general good humour and confidence. I am also most specific in the type of people I am looking for. I certainly didn’t want to be besieged by married bisexual/bicurious men looking for some mutual fondling and a blowjob in the backseat of a Commodore at a beachside car park although that is a given – no matter how direct you are, there are those who like the look of you or your equipment and send you a message anyway. Nothing wrong with that of course, it is quite flattering, but I’m not into sneaking around the local public park with someone who’s partner thinks they are still at work with their nose to the grindstone when in actual fact their nose is currently in line with my pubic bone.
Without repeating it word-for-word, as the ad still runs, I state I am seeking a couple with a bi male (or bi curious) or a woman who is interested in joining me as a partner to meet bi couples. I am not looking for anyone who is not around my own age (I’m 50) so I have stated 45yo to 60 yo as I am certain to have many things in common with people of that age bracket and they have life experience and a maturity within themselves not generally found in the young. At our age, we are comfortable with our bodies and have an acknowledged acceptance that we are not supermodels or heavyweight champions of the world…it is a different mindset but a much better one than the body obsessed mindsets a lot of us once clung to desperately. With an ad such as mine, you do get a lot of contacts – most, you soon learn, are married men testing the water but every now and then a diamond appears and so it was when I had a message from Di and Peter. Right from the start I had a really good feeling about them which enhanced the instantaneaous reaction I had to their naked photo’s they let me see. The catch, and there always is one dear reader, is that they live in regional South Australia but travel to Adelaide regularly for business – funny business I hoped! They wrote with an easy familiarity that made you warm to them easily. They fulfilled all my criteria: emotionally together and clearly in love; mature; confident; smooth shaved bodies where it counts (sorry, I’m not into hair), humorous; and after a few emails back and forwards we agreed to meet at an inner suburban hotel. Peter had a firm handshake and Di leant over and kissed me as an old friend would straight on the lips. We drank, laughed a lot and chatted for about an hour or two. We swapped dating site war stories and sussed out the local talent of both sexes in the bar like conspiritors plotting an insurrection and eventually I excused myself to go to the toilet (this wasn’t a desperate requirement really but more a device to give Di & Peter a chance to discuss my possibilities without having to give each other strange winks or pre-arranged codewords). I sat back down and had hardly settled when Di piped up with “we’d love you to come back to our motel and have another drink…if you are interested?” Of course I was and soon we found ourselves in a quite sumptious motel in the CBD. This is the awkward moment for the intruder: do you make any sort of move? do you sit down? do you remark upon some abstract print hung on the wall to break the ice? No need. Peter poured us some drinks as we stood around and then said with a wink “we remember your ad noted that you loved being naked..so why don’t we all get naked and relaxed with our drinks and discover things”. And we did….quite a lot in fact and for many regular meetings after that until Di & Peter sold their business and moved to Far North Queensland and into semi-retirement. Ca la vie……we still send each other messages on birthdays and for Christmas. Nice people and I miss them – for lots of reasons.
As I’m new here I wasn’t sure how much detail is allowed or expected so I stopped short of doing all that under-the-covers stuff. The above was a really good experience with like minded people but there are hundreds of stories out there from anyone who has ever tried to date online on either a mainstream or adult site where the experience has been frustrating and futile.
I never give up hope that there are more Di’s, Peter’s, or Daphne’s looking to meet Di’s and Peter’s out there for me to play with….without hope what do you have?
People, I have noticed, often say they want honesty. That is, until they actually get some.
I LOVE women. In the spirit of fairness though I also like the occassional man. If I’m honest with myself I actually like them both at the same time. This severely limits your dating opportunities particularly in a place like Adelaide where I live. Digging your way online through the wannabe’s, the guy’s pretending to be a couple, the guys who have floated the idea past their woman who is not keen on the idea at all – these are the roadblocks put in the way of someone like me who just wants a nice time with nice people. Male-female-male relationships have been written about in books, sung about in songs, and suggested in film but what about the real world? I suggest fervently that if it is happening it is not happening a lot.
Over the years I’ve been involved with a lot of really nice women with great sexual appetites. Almost without exception, in those little chats that lovers have, they have mentioned that one of their generally unfullfilled fantasies is to have two men at once in bed. Hurrah I think! – initially. Bitter experience has taught me to tread carefully at this point. “So, how would you think you would like that to work if I could make that happen for you?” I enquire tentatively and invariably disappointment ensues as the fantasy, except in one memorable experience in my 20′s, always entails my lady friend being the total subject and ‘star’ of the fantasy. Fair enough, it IS their fantasy, but on the occassion when I have ventured that maybe she could also be entertained by some male-on-male action it is like I have driven a stake into their heart, often by the same women who have ventured to bring another woman into the equation for my benefit! They look at me like I am some sort of depraved lunatic who should be swiftly locked up for reasons of public safety. Is it so bad? Or am I being selfish? The court pf public opinion has changed markedly on homosexuality and same-sex relationships. They are actively encouraged and befriended by those of fair mind and ca-la-vie attitudes which is as it should be. But what of the (hopefully) stuck in the middle bisexual men? The subject never comes up. This is not a modern idea by any stretch of the imagination and has been around since Mary introduced Joseph to the concept of an extra male in their relationship so why is it so hard to organise? Or, as I strongly suspect, it IS thought about by far more men than admit it but like their secret longing for Judith Lucy it just never sees the light of day for fear of ridicule
Years ago, a dear friend of mine was involved with a man who had this bi male-female-bi male fantasy also. She rang me and tentatively floated the idea that I might join them for an evening of indulgence never for a minute suspecting that I would be immediately interested. It was wonderful! Jenny (not her real name) used to get very overheated watching Dennis (not his real name) and I enjoy each other before parachuting herself into the mix for some slippery fun of her own. Happily, this continued for a very long time and I eagerly looked forward to my regular invitations to Jenny’s home. It only stopped because Dennis got greedy – he tried to organise meetings with me without Jenny’s knowledge and my own personal integrity wouldn’t let me do that behind her back. Oh well….
I like being honest. It is at the core of my being and I am noted for it but with this I find myself living in the shadows and I don’t like it. I haven’t persued this side of my sexuality for a long time but now I am single again and ‘out on the town’ I’m going to see if, like same sex couples, attitudes have changed . Wish me luck….I’ll keep you posted!
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