I walk around the city a lot. At lunchtimes, and on my way to various appointments, I keep myself amused with a silly little game as I trot jauntily along the streets of Adelaide. The game is this: every time I pass a woman I am attracted to (read: would like to be naked with) it is a ‘yes’. For those I feel little attraction to it is a ‘no’. Dear reader you will notice that I don’t mention men here. The reason for that, despite my declared bisexuality, is that I don’t think of guys that way. Complete with an attractive female partner I find men interesting but not in the way I find women desirable. I never see a guy, no matter what his physical appearance, and think “Ooooh I’ll ‘ave ‘im…he’s bloody gorgeous!”. Never. I do, however, have selection criteria as far as their equipment is concerned but maybe we will wait until I publish a bibibirdie After Dark Series.


I find lots of things attractive about a LOT of different types of women. Tall, short, slim, large,light hair,dark hair, red hair, long hair, short hair. Long legs, short legs, large breasts, small breasts, bottoms of all shapes and sizes. There are some constants however: women under around 40 don’t often make the cut and don’t get rated. This particularly applies to the young (under 30) for although I can appreciate the beauty of youth I would never want to be naked with one. We don’t have anything in common, it looks ridiculous, and I would feel like I’ve entered some sort of peado-fest which isn’t my thing at all. Additionally, slovenly people, those who appear to have an account at Joyrene Fashions, scowlers, hard faced people, and those who look like they are about to burst into tears go straight to the ‘no’ list. They do not have to be stunningly beautiful and in fact often aren’t but they do have to be pleasant and interesting to look at.


On the upside: a large woman with a tight skirt/dress and a twinkle in her eye is a yes. A tall slim woman with an ‘I dare you’ look is a yes. Well cut outfits that catch the eye and heels are a definate yes on all shapes and sizes. Painted toenails are a yes (? never worked that one out but there you go) as are a pair of fashionable glasses. A nicely shaped bum is a winner in all shapes and sizes. Age, except where mentioned above, is no barrier also – I regularly see a very elegant woman walking down Pirie Street who would easily be in her 70’s but is an absolute stunner. I am also constantly intrigued at how women use makeup and clothes to highlight the features they would like you to look at. Wonderful.


I don’t stare but I like to make eye contact. It is amazing how often it is reciprocated replete with a lovely flirty smile and a slight tilt of the head.I regularly strike up conversations which we both know are going nowhere but they are a nice diversion for a few minutes and leave you both with a spring in your step. Next time someone makes eye contact with you in the street smile back – it may be me and the one thing you will know even though we may not exchange words is that I am mentally running my hands all over your naked body and wondering what you taste like.




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